Vito At The Computer
by Irk The Waffle
Summary: A younger Mike has one of his first conversations with a newer alter; one with a fairly embarrassing hobby. The problem with sharing a body with someone with an embarrassing hobby is that you can never really convince everyone that you're not the one who was involved in it. Especially when the culprit doesn't know the meaning of discretion.


**This started with a joke I made with a friend back in... June?**

**Not much else to say about it. I noticed that it's been a long time since I've written something that wasn't depressing or smutty. ...and this still makes sex jokes. Well, that's my life, I suppose.**

**Just some goofy fun with Vito, that's all.**

* * *

><p>Thirteen-year-old Mike sat in his room, staring wide-eyed at the computer magazine in front of him.<p>

2 TB hard drive. 27 inch monitor. Blu-ray player included. There was some other technical jargon that Mike didn't understand, but the most intense thing he'd use the laptop for was movies, and if it came with a Blu-ray drive, it should be able to handle that, right? He wasn't a PC gamer, really. Other than movies, all he'd do was simple, such as looking at pictures or reading message boards.

Two terabytes... that would hold a _lot_ of movies.

Mike looked up and frowned at the television in his room. Of course, his parents were very generous to give him that television. It was an older one, sold at a time when a nineteen-inch screen was a big deal for a living room television. The thing was probably as old as Mike was, and it was a wonder it still worked. But it did its job nicely for the basic cable hookup it had, and he could play video games on it just fine. There wasn't anything wrong with it, really; the buttons on the front barely worked, but that's what the remote was for.

And yet, Mike couldn't help but envy the flat screen in the living room. After watching movies on that, the television in here seemed pathetic in comparison. But the living room television was shared property, so it wasn't as if he could sit and have movie marathons in there. Doing that would be selfish. But it wasn't nearly as fun having marathons with the thing sitting in the corner of his room.

But if he had his own computer that he could use whenever he wanted, to download as many movies to as he wanted...

He already had a desk, so he wouldn't need to spend extra money on that. His desk needed to be cleaned off, he observed; as it stood, the parts from half-completed robot models, papers he could have thrown away months ago, and a thin layer of dust took up all the desk's space. But if he threw some things away and finished those kits, he'd have plenty of room to set up a computer on there, plus extra space to display his robots. It'd be perfect! All he needed to buy was the computer itself!

Except... he turned his eyes back to the magazine and cringed at the price. How long would it take him to save up twelve hundred dollars for a computer, even if he didn't buy anything else before then?

Unless... his fourteenth birthday was in two weeks. Maybe he could justify asking for it as a birthday present?

Mike never asked for anything. For his first Christmas in this house, when asked what he wanted, all he put on his first list was a book. He didn't even ask for a specific book; any book would have been fine. His parents were already kind enough to take him in and raise him despite his history. No matter how often they told him it was okay to ask for things, did he really have any right to ask for anything?

But that computer... oh, how he wanted that computer. He'd give up Christmas. He'd give up the next five Christmases. He'd do any chore his parents asked of him. Any bargain he could make, he'd take it.

He folded the cover of the magazine back so that the computer ad took up the front of the magazine, then got up to ask his mother what it would take to have that computer in his room by the end of the month. But before he could go talk to her, her voice reached him first.

"_Michael! Get down here! __**Now!**_"

Mike froze up at the sound of his mother's shout. She was normally a kind, soft-spoken woman, and she almost never yelled at anyone. If she did yell, that meant there was big, big trouble.

Mike couldn't figure out what that big trouble could be. He was too busy trying to convince his brain that a yelling parent was a problem, but not nearly as big a problem as it was a couple of years ago.

That still didn't mean he liked being yelled at.

"I'm coming!" Mike called back, already in a sprint before the words left his mouth. He dropped the magazine on his floor as his ran; if his mother was upset with him, now was not the time to ask for anything at all, let alone an expensive computer. "Mom, whatever happened, I'm sorry-" he sputtered out as he entered the room where his mother stood, but his voice stopped dead once he caught sight of the computer screen. One look at the old monitor made it very, very clear just what had upset his mother. Tens of photos of naked women peered back at Mike, with more and more photos popping up by the second.

"Mike! What is going on?!"

Mike's next response wasn't anything revolutionary for his generation on its own. Nearly every young male in a house with a computer had uttered the same words. What made Mike's case notable was the fact that unlike those other boys, Mike actually meant it.

"I have no idea how porn got on the computer!"

Mike's mother glared up at him, anger broiling in all five-and-a-half feet of her body. When Mike got here, he was actually considerably shorter than her; he still wasn't used to his mother having to look up at his newly gained height. But even if he'd outgrown her now, that didn't mean he didn't still shrink back from her.

"I swear! I don't know!" he repeated as he turned his head away from the computer, unwilling to acknowledge the pictures that still popped up with no sign of slowing down. A suggestive, feminine sound blasted from the speaker, and Mike's face nearly burst into flames from the embarrassment. This would have been awkward in any case, but witnessing this with his mother standing right there didn't help a single thing.

Mike's mother took a deep exhale and closed her eyes. "Look, I know you wouldn't have messed the computer up on purpose... but _please_, could you fix it before your father gets home?" she asked.

"Yeah, I will," Mike said, still not facing her or the screen behind her. The speakers made yet another noise, and Mike internally begged the computer to explode or fall into a black hole so he wouldn't have to look at this anymore. His mother left the room, and only when he was sure she was gone did he turn to face the computer again. As he sat in the chair, he tried to figure out who would have done this. Certainly it wasn't Svetlana, and he didn't want to consider that Chester might have done this...

_Oh god, _he thought to no one in particular, _**please**__ don't be Chester._

"Manitoba?" Mike asked out loud. "You there?"

_You need somethin', mate?_ said Manitoba from inside his head. _Got snake trouble again? I told ya, it's easy, you just gotta pet 'em the right way and they melt at your feet._

"It's not snakes," said Mike. As soon as the words left his mouth, a pop-up informed him that he too could increase the girth of his trouser snake, complete with graphic demonstration. "No, it's... someone downloaded a virus on the computer. It keeps showing, um... weird pop-ups. Awkward pop-ups. Did you download something you shouldn't have?"

_I'm more careful than that,_ Manitoba replied, sounding offended. _I'd blame the new guy. __He doesn't seem quick-witted enough to not download everything the Net tells him to._

Mike had forgotten about the new one until Manitoba said something. He wasn't sure if he was actually new or if he just managed to keep himself hidden until now, but in the past couple months, a rather loud, rude alter had made himself known inside Mike's head.

Come to think of it, with what little Mike knew about the new guy, it'd be more of a surprise if this _wasn't_ his idea.

"Vito?" Mike asked.

_Yo! Mikey!_ Vito answered. _I heard ya talkin' to Manny! Sounds like you found my collection!_ Each of Vito's words hung on the verge of laughter, although Mike had no idea what was so funny. _Whaddya think? Find any favorites yet?_

"No!" Mike snapped. "No, I didn't! I don't want this stuff! What did you do?!"

_I was just watchin' some vids last night, you know, like us real men do, _Vito said. _And after one vid I downloaded, the __pics__ just kept comin'! I didn't need to do nothing anymore, I just sat back and let the computer show me stuff. It's real easy when you can keep your hands free. I could barely keep up! It's the best!_

"No, it's not!" Mike said as he moved to close some windows; even if they popped up as fast as he closed them, with a bit of luck, hopefully he could make the desktop visible long enough to run a virus scanner. "My parents use this computer, and they don't want to see this! I don't either!"

_You don't? C'mon, how old are ya, fifteen? Sixteen?_

"Thirteen," Mike said flatly as he opened the scanner.

_That's old enough. You're a man now! It's time for you to appreciate some chicks!_

"I don't want to." Mike finally got the scanner set up, and with that task accomplished, he sat back and waited for it to finish.

_Hey, __you still at the screen? _

"Yeah, I'm running a virus scanner now so I can get rid of all this."

_ S__ee that folder on the desktop that says Not Porno? It's porno. Go on, open it! I bet it'll change your mind!_

With nothing better to do, Mike opened up the folder as Vito requested. The previews to thousands of images filled the screen, gracing Mike's eyes with giant, plastic breasts, and implements that Mike couldn't figure out any use for... not that he even wanted to know.

_Nice, ain't it? _Vito asked. _Who's your favorite?_

Mike answered by right-clicking on the entire folder and hovering the cursor over the "delete" option. "None of them. I'm getting rid of this."

_Wait wait wait!_ Vito shouted in a panic. _C'mon, at least look at it! You'll find something you like, I swear! If you don't like a picture, then ditch it, but at least look! What else are ya gonna do?_

"Fine..." Mike brought the folder back up and enlarged the first picture to fill size. His face heated as a big breasted woman smiled at him with too-white teeth.

Mike hit the delete button nearly instantly.

The pictures that followed matched a similar pattern to the first one, and were all deleted just as quickly. Despite Vito's constant questions about what Mike was looking at and his reminiscing about his favorite pictures, Mike took no joy from this. What did Vito see in these pictures? For Mike, it only made him uncomfortable, as if he stared at women while he wasn't supposed to. This was so _personal!_

"...is that a cucumber?" Mike asked in horror as a new picture opened.

_Pretty sick, ain't it?_ Vito responded with a laugh. _It's amazing, you got all these problems with hungry people, and this chick just shoves a cucumber right up her-_

Mike deleted the photo set as quickly as his finger could mash the delete key.

_You find Manny's stuff yet?_ Vito asked. _He's not as into it as I am, but some of these pics are his __and I've gone through 'em__. I've seen chicks do things with a boomerang that you wouldn't __**believe.**_

"I'm never touching a boomerang in my life," Mike said with a shudder as his mind presented several scenarios to match what Vito said, none of them pleasant. "Why do pictures like this exist?!"

_Because lookin' at 'em is fun!_ Vito said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. _I bet being in' em is fun, too!_

Mike continued mechanically tapping the delete key, his embarrassment somewhat fading to make way for boredom. Most of the pictures were just of different women in similar poses, which killed the shock value and made the task rather tedious instead. Even the more extreme ones couldn't get a reaction from him bigger than, "At least there aren't any cucumbers."

He did, however, freeze upon reaching one picture. Instead of the sparsely decorated bedrooms that most of the photos took place in, the woman in this photo, a woman with pastel pink hair, sat on a blanket in a brightly colored field. The way the photo was posed made it more suggestive than explicit; she sat cross-legged and held a bouquet of flowers in front of her chest, hiding anything that was too intimate.

Mike couldn't bring himself to delete this one.

"Hey, Vito?" Mike couldn't believe he said these words even as they left his mouth. "I found something I like."

_Seriously?! _Vito exclaimed with excitement. _Which one?! Let me see!_

Mike didn't notice a lapse in time like he did for longer switches, but Vito must have taken over for a few seconds, because the next thing he heard was an exasperated groan.

_Really? The fat chick? You can't even see her tits!_

"She's not fat!" Mike insisted. "I mean- not that it'd be a problem if she was. But how is she fat?" Upon a second look, there did seem to be a bit of fat on her stomach and legs, but it didn't mean anything to Mike. All he could see was her happy smile; this smile seemed genuine instead of posed, a first for this folder.

_I don't know why my program downloaded that one. It ain't even porn. You can't see anything, so what's the point? It's just some chick with flowers. Real girly shit._

"I'd think she was pretty even with clothes on," Mike said. "I like her hair."

Vito scoffed. _Gay._

Mike ignored Vito's comment, and instead scrolled through this section of the folder more slowly than before. Naked, yet unexposed due to the posing, girls of all weights and races crossed the screen, all tied together with a theme of bright colors, expressed through flowers and hair dye.

Mike had realized months ago that he was interested in girls and had even had a few short-lived relationships, but for the first time, he found his type.

One picture showed a girl sitting in a man's lap and lightly kissing his lips. Perhaps they were having sex, but like all the other photos in this set, the posing hid anything explicit and made it hard to tell. For a fleeting moment, Mike found himself wishing that was him, regardless of what they were doing... a cute girl wearing flowers in her hair, kissing him and hugging him and telling him she loved him...

Mike didn't have as much time as he wanted to mull this fantasy over before the buzz of the virus scanner reminded him of the task at hand.

"All right, Vito, scan's done," Mike said. "I'm deleting everything now."

_Well, if you really have to, then fine. __I know where to get more, _Vito answered, and Mike felt him shrug.

"You're not going to. This is my parents' computer! You're not putting stuff on here!" Mike gave the virus scanner the okay to delete everything it found, and then got to work closing the browser windows that had been opening the whole time. He breathed a sigh of relief when this time, they didn't reopen.

The last window he moved his mouse to was the picture folder. It was mostly empty now, both due to the files he deleted manually and the ones the virus scanner knocked out, but all the flower girl pictures still remained.

Instead of emptying the folder right away, Mike opened the drawer and pulled out a thumb drive.

The files didn't have any viruses, and they weren't _that_ bad, compared to some of what got deleted... surely there would be no harm in keeping those... they posed for the pictures and looked genuinely happy to be there, so it was okay, right?

Mike heard the front door open, and in a panic he quickly closed the folder, grateful that he had just enough time to back up what he wanted. His father entered the room shortly after he closed the evidence.

"Hey, Mike," his dad said. "Your mother told me about the computer."

"It wasn't my fault," Mike said. "It was-"

"Listen, I'm not mad," his father said. "You don't need to make excuses or explain yourself, okay? I was your age once. I know what it's like. I'm just thinking... this is a lot sooner into parenthood than I expected, but I know you're getting older. Maybe it's time that we gave you more privacy. You're a good kid; you've earned it."

"Thanks, but you don't have to," Mike said. "I didn't download the pictures. There's a new alter named Vito, and he-"

"Would you like your own computer?"

"Huh?" Mike stopped talking, his interest now caught.

"I talked to your mother about it, and we agreed that if you want one, we can get you a computer for your birthday," his dad said. "If you clean up your desk by then, I'll take you out to get one. We won't look at it after you set it up. We won't even ask you about it. We can trust you to be safe, right?"

"Yeah! Yeah, of course!" Mike said, smiling. "I'll go get my desk ready right now! And if there's anything else I can do to earn it, just tell me! Thank you! Thanks so much!" Mike pulled his father into a hug; his father was taller than his mother, but Mike had still outgrown him by a couple of inches, making the hug somewhat awkward; and then raced back upstairs to get his desk ready. No, not just his desk; he'd clean his room absolutely spotless in exchange for this!

Maybe his dream computer would still be too much, but asking would still be worth a shot...

Despite how embarrassing the incident was, in a way, Vito did Mike a favor that day.

And in return, Mike did Vito and his parents a favor by getting his own computer. Vito would never stop downloading viruses in his endless search for porn, but at least Mike's parents didn't have to see it anymore, and they never realized that Vito was the culprit.

Mike will never enjoy having to clean his computer on a monthly basis, but at least things could be worse.


End file.
